This blog post has been contributed by Deepa Garwa.
A teacher by profession and a writer by choice, Deepa Garwa is an opinionated blogger, a self advocate on disabilities and a parenting enthusiast. She believes that by thinking out of the box parents can help their children reach their best. A mother of two, (a soccer crazy son and a special needs daughter ), Deepa writes about her parenting experiences on www.twominuteparenting.com. Stop by and say hello!
As long as it is healthy! And what if it’s not?
I never thought these six simple words could hurt me this much! And surprisingly, the used weapons (words) were not new but they never hit me like this before or perhaps I was a different person then!
A different person before I had my daughter, who was born with an extra chromosome and severe heart defects. I was a mother before but this time the motherhood came with a cost. It shook my social status and made me refrain from giving any advice to expectant mothers, just because I did not give birth to a ‘perfectly healthy child’.
Meeting a friend, who was glowing with the first time approaching motherhood, over a cup of coffee seemed like the best place for a great conversation! Starting with a harmless question, I asked, “So what do you want? A boy or a girl?” And out came the expected default response, “I don’t mind having any, as long as it is healthy! I mean that’s all you want for your child. For them to be healthy! Isn’t it?” “Absolutely”, I said. She took a long sip looking at me, further adding that she had already got the screening done for any chromosomal abnormality and the baby was perfectly healthy! That’s what did it!
I felt a lump in my throat! Not because any of what she said was wrong or intentionally hurtful, but it meant a thousand things for me and my daughter.
As long as it is healthy! And what if it is not? Then it is not to be welcomed? Loved?
Since when is motherhood run by investment bankers where we only put our stakes on shares or funds that can give us great returns in the future? Since when did motherhood become a conditional love that we would only bestow on our child if it were born with a perfect head, ten fingers or a fully developed brain?