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How to Build your Child’s Confidence – 3 Proven Practical Tips!

Tips to increase your child's confidenceIn my practice as a psychotherapist and parent coach, one of the parenting concerns I hear often is- ‘my child has no confidence…will she ever change…what should I do?’

The good news is that, research has proven that we can build a child’s confidence and help them stretch and aim high! Yes, some children just appear to be born with more confidence [the whole Nurture Vs. Nature debate] but as parents you can make a conscious effort to invest and raise you child’s sense of confidence.

For starters, here are THREE proven and practical ways:

Give them responsibilities - as parents, we often ‘show’ our love by constantly ‘doing’ things for our children, whether it be feeding our five-year old, packing our eight-year olds’ school bag or picking up after our 13-year old!  Though your intent may be good, in the long run you are doing them a disservice! Instead, make them responsible for things around the home.  From hanging up their uniforms, feeding the pet, sharpening pencils for school and yes even putting their dirty plates in the sink!

Let them make decisions- this does not mean that you let your child rule the roost here!! Rather, it means that when you involve your child in a family decision making process, it sends them a message that what they feel and think is valued. As they get more chances to make these choices and be heard in the family, it increases their sense of self worth. It could be simple ways like- asking your 8 year old ‘2 new movies have come out, which one do you think we should see?’, or letting your 5 year choose the clothes he/she would like to wear to the restaurant!

Create a ‘feel good’ factor – Just like for us adults, when a child does something that they are good at and get recognition for it,  it gives them an ‘emotional high’.  Help your child identify their strengths and create opportunities to showcase them.  Whether it is a music recital at a family function or being the official family vacation photographer!  By creating this ‘feel good’ factor, a child’s sense of meaningful contribution is reinforced, and this helps them take risks to expand their curiosity to experiment and try new things.

At this point I would like to emphasize that just because your child may be introverted it does not mean he has low confidence. Remember, introversion does not equal low self esteem! I will share more about this in the next blog!


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Aparna Samuel Balasundaram is a USA- Licensed Psychotherapist and Parent and Child Expert with 10 years of experience in the USA. She is the Founder of Life Skills Experts and the Life Skills 360¡ System that enables parents and teachers to raise happy, confident and successful children. Visit www.LifeSkillsExperts.com for more information. She is also the Founder of ‘A Flourishing Me’ that offers contemporary Counselling and Life Coaching [www.AFlourishing.me]. Aparna can be contacted at aparna@lifeskillsexperts.com.

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5 thoughts on “How to Build your Child’s Confidence – 3 Proven Practical Tips!

  1. Aparna

    Thanks Ujwal! Yes, truly a key and basic need for each child…and the good news is that as caring adults in a childs’ life, we can do something about it :)

  2. Swati Nitin Gupta

    Hi Aparna,

    Reading your blog made me realised that I am guilty of feeding my five year old now going to be six. But then this is the only thing I am guilty about because If I don’t feed him he will not have his veggies or pulses. Other than this I let him choose his own clothes both at home and when we are going out! Thanks for an insightful article. Do visit mine and leave your feedback! Would love to hear from you! Thanks and regards

  3. Asawari

    Confidence is also connected to a sense of self-worth and a sense of security. Giving bite size responsibilities is the key. If we hand over responsibilities that are bigger to resolve, manage this could hamper and effect in confidence depletion. Allowing the child to pick his challenge (folding clothes even) usually helps. He will be able to plan how he wants to approach the problem statement, and implement his plan. Observing and talking about how he all by himself planned his own activity and implemented it also adds to his self-esteem. He will automatically learn to take up new and larger challenges.
    Second is Security. By providing resources and assistance to help him complete his work and other small challenges through chores will add to his confidence. That you are there for when and if the things go wrong. This does not mean you do his work for him. It means you have conversations with him continuously to make him reflect and realize what he thinks, does, how you helped, with what…and end result.

    Thank you Aparna, loved the article!


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