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Involved Fathers


I actually feel quite sorry for today’s fathers. I work from home so have the flexibility and luxury of being able to attend my child’s every PTM and concert, to organise play dates for her and to ferry her around for classes. And I can do all this, and enjoy it, because my husband is working round the clock to keep us comfortable and supports me by allowing me to work from home, though I know that he would much rather that I worked outside the home in a full-time job. And I enjoy being at home with my daughter because I have chosen to do so and know that there will soon be a time when I won’t need to. And I feel even more sorry for my husband, who is as involved as it is possible to be, because I know that he would rather come home early and go to the park with his daughter or spend hours or painting with her – but he can’t because I chose to do all that instead. Deep down, I think most dads want to be around their kids, but just simply cannot! So let’s cut them some slack and stop accusing them of their  “work being more important!” Their work is NOT more important, it simply gains importance because their family’s happiness and comfort is so important to them!

 

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Kritika Srinivasan is an Editor at ParentEdge. She has her hands full with an active young child and her writing. She is keenly interested in ways to engage and stimulate children to keep their lively and intelligent minds busy.

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4 thoughts on “Involved Fathers

  1. Ujwala

    A few thoughts
    1.)If the mother has not made the choice to stay at home, but has been compelled to do so, i have seen that she may resent the father his freedom.
    2.)If at some stage, a parenting decision has been taken by the mother, and for some reason something goes wrong, fathers should not step in with “I told you so-s”,which is unfair
    3.)Fathers should take part in the parenting, simply to know the child better, as childhood is the best bonding time. But this is a personal choice.
    4.) I have observed that some mothers who have worked before having a baby long for the zing of the workplace and feel a little lonely esp. after the child has grown up and is schooling full-time. A few compliments and a little appreciation can make them feel good!!!

  2. Kritika Srinivasan

    Hello Ujwala

    Thank you for your thoughts on this. I agree with what you say. Many times, the mother does not want to stay at home but is forced to because of family circumstances, or work permit issues (!). In this case, she may resent her role as SAHM. Of course, it always helps and is even necessary that a father be involved in his children’s lives no matter whether his wife is working or not. But I have seen many mothers who are constantly at their husbands for not spending more time with their kids, when many times the fathers don’t really have that much of a choice either. They are trying to balance work and family as well, especially in a country like India, where the corporate set-up is not really supportive of fathers.

    I guess there is no solution to this except better understanding and communication between the parents who must also ensure that their resentment and frustration does not boil over and affect their children!

  3. Natasha

    My husband is v involved with our 20 month old son – and i think like you mentioned the fact that i work makes him feel like he needs to help out with the kid too.

    Also i dont have a “Baby maid” so there was no one else who i have to even pass on even the smallest mundane job. So, between the 2 of us we do everything for our kid, bathing, diaper change, feeding etc and this makes us both involved.

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