The second question is already answered in the first two paras. It is how we express our anger and frustration that will set the rules and the boundaries for our children. I yell, he yells. I throw things; he thinks that is the way to do it. I shut the door on people; he will find solace doing the same thing. I sit down and talk with whoever I have issues, he will try. I meditate; he will be curious about it and will try. I count to 50, he is bound to try. And one can get innovative with creative ways of dissipating anger.
Forming good communication habits is laying the foundation of long-lasting and warm relationships. Hence however impossible the situation, control your own reactions to your environment. Let him see you talk, express. Introduce creativity in venting anger. Take long walks in the park with him to talk and discuss issues with him.
Lastly, if you notice how much effort goes behind composing ourselves in helpless and frustrating situations, you will also know a child cannot be expected to do that. He simply does not have the ability and is still learning to recognize his feelings. Understand them. After which he will know how to react and the acceptable ways of reaction. Till then a lot of patience, communication and straight talk would help build strong relationships, where he can express without feeling wrong about his feelings. Create a positive environment for his growth and his stress and anger will dissipate in creative ways.
I would love it if you could share creative ways you have experienced, innovated to channelize your child’s energy. Do share bits of your conversation with your children, the ones that lead a child out of his tantrum.