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The secret to raising smart kids- don’t tell them they are!


dweck

The world overvalues smartness and undervalues hard work and effort. So, you would be surprised to know that research done at Stanford University by Carol Dweck, one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation, tells us exactly the opposite.
Dweck’s book Mindset talks about two kinds of attitudes with which individuals approach situations- fixed and growth.People with a fixed mindset believe that their basic qualities like intelligence and talent are fixed traits. They spend time in holding on to their intelligence rather than developing them. More importantly, they believe that talent alone creates success.
People who adopt a growth mindset on the other hand believe that ability can be developed and strengthened through hard work and effort. Talent you are “born with” is just the starting point. This view creates a love for learning and equally significantly resilience.
Now why is this so important for parents and society at large? Because unwittingly or deliberately many of us subscribe to the fixed mindset worldview- and how does this manifest?
By holding “bright” children in high esteem, secretly wishing our kids are tagged the “super smart” or gifted, applauding our children when they figure things out quickly, and also believing that talent is the biggest determinant of success.
Even last week end, when I was anchoring a discussion with parents, one of them said, my son is average in everything he does- he is not exceptional in any area- what does the future hold?
As parents, we categorize our children quite quickly and, as a consequence, we do not do what it takes to motivate them continuously.
If we subscribed to the growth mindset, on the other hand, we will encourage or children to keep trying, praise effort rather than outcomes, motivate them when they are struggling, share with them stories that so called genius is a product of at least 10000 hours of hard work, and inculcate an attitude that effort counts as much, if not more, than innate intelligence.
According to Dweck, the mindset shapes a child’s attitude towards learning and expanding one’s horizons. In life these are attributes that often determine success. An experiment carried out by Dweck among school children showed that a “smart child” with a fixed mindset is reluctant to take on risks, is afraid of failure, and so is unwilling to try the hard problem whereas the child with a growth mindset, even if he is not as smart, is willing to try the same problem, and does not worry as much about not being able to get the right answer.
No prizes for guessing which of the above kinds of children will grow up to be a Rahul Dravid ( someone whose performance has far outstripped his innate talent)!
Ps: I stole the title of this post from that of an article written by Dweck for the Scientific American!

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Sudha Kumar is a marketing professional and runs a marketing services firm, Prayag Consulting. She has made her foray into publishing through ParentEdge. Over the last two decades, she has learnt a thing or two about being a working mom. That said, her views on parenting continue to evolve, as she learns from her experiences, reading, and now, from her children!

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5 thoughts on “The secret to raising smart kids- don’t tell them they are!

  1. Ramya Rajesh

    Hi Sudha

    Great post! By praising our children for being smart or talented, we are, in fact, confining them to a golden cage.

    The world today is so dynamic that only individuals who can learn and adapt can do well.

    Reply
  2. Sudha Kumar

    Thanks Meera and Ramya. Yes, I came across this research in a book I was reading and found it really interesting- I researched more and found out about the book Mindset, which is now on my already long to be read list :)

    Reply
  3. Gayatri

    Great article, Sudha. Very interesting – ‘successful’ people are almost always not those who came ‘first’ in school/college, but those who kept trying and expanding their horizons. I agree that mindset is as important if not more, than innate talent that just rests on its laurels.

    Reply
  4. Vidya Sury

    Hi Sudha! i wrote a post on Encouragement vs Praise on Parentous and Kritika, who commented on that post pointed me to this link. I think the title just about sums it up. :-) Encouragement is more valuable than praise since it sustains efforts. Great read! Thanks!

    Reply

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