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What I Learnt from my Child


What parents can learn from children

Source: Google images

The moment I forget that I am her mother and have given birth to her, things get simpler. The moment I start respecting her choices, no matter how ignorant, or senseless they are or seem to me, I am astonished at how a two year old child is actually like a small adult, reacting and responding to ensure her wishes are met.

I watch her sleep and I wonder how I forget to see a person living inside the toddler. As a mother all I can see is a baby all the time. And the fact that it is me who have brought her to this world, so she is my property. She has to do, act, plan, think, and fall in line as per my wishes.

“Do as I told you.” Maybe because it makes me feel powerful.

However, the reality is just the opposite. I am a dependent variable. My stakes are higher. It is I who want to raise her in a certain manner or instill certain values. A child is born free and remains free for a very long time, at least in her mind. It’s the parents who become captives of their own ego.

I did.

It really took me some time to make myself understand that no matter how much I try, most times, I have  to bow down in front of a ‘new’ and ‘young’ child person. I had to keep reminding myself to see the ‘individual’ living inside and not just size zero clothes or her dependence on diapers.

And the more casually I take this mother-daughter role, the more I get to enjoy. It is just okay to let things be out of order sometimes. It’s okay to let her skip a meal.

My greatest learning of late is that the more I treat her as my room mate or friend, even at this young age, I can get the day to run smoothly. A show of authority doesn’t make a difference to a kid. Logical reasoning fails terribly or  sometimes works when I don’t expect it to at all!

Recently, when my husband left for the US, I was crying inconsolably. And then, it was this Lilliputian person who hugged me and said “Don’t cry Mumma” and then teased me, saying “Mumma crying baby, Mumma crying baby”. And I hugged her like it was my last hug and poured out my heart via tears. For the first time in two years I felt as if I have not just given birth to a child, but also that she is an extension of me and is now my emotional support.

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Shweta Chooramani is Manager of Corporate Fundraising at NGO Samarthanam, which works for the empowerment of persons with disabilities through education, sports, rehabilitation and income generation activities. She fulfills her love for writing by contributing to several blogs, along with being a full-time mother. Her personal blog can be read at http://sinhasat302.blogspot.in/


4 thoughts on “What I Learnt from my Child

  1. Kesang

    Hi Shweta… your first line is so powerful. yes the moment we could forget that we are “the parents” life would be much much simpler. We have this conditioned response of how a parent should be. for example a friend came and told us about some problem , we are able to be caring and empathetic and truly listen. If our kids are upset or have a problem what do we do- lecture them, give advice, brush aside their feelings by saying ” dont be such a cry baby” “its ok , this is all part of life”.

    If instead as you said , we could be with our kids like we are with any friend , the relationship would be incredible.

    Kahlil Gibran said “Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

    So relevant to what you have shared.

    Reply

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