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Won’t stay-at-home mom: How I came full circle


This blog post has been reposted, with permission, from Lalita Iyer’s blog http://mommygolightly.wordpress.com/.

I found a really shallow reason to go back to the workplace in my fourth year of stay-at-home mommyhood.  I wanted to dress up and go to work. I wanted to change footwear, earrings, wear hair-product, lipstick, nail-polish, perfume, cotton sarees and silver jewellery.

Fact is, I was tired of mommy dates. And pushing swings. And being told that I cannot take a nap when I thought I had earned it.  I was tired of the husband always whining that he had the most stressful job in the whole world.

On most days, I can see the humour in motherhood. I also think children are deep and there’s a lot to learn just by listening to them. I found myself laughing and crying in equal measure as I spent hour after hour with my son, just the two of us, and the ‘casulls’ we constructed, the mess we reveled in. I made plenty of “I quit my awesome job because I really wanted to be a stay-at-home-mother” mommy friends. I believed them. I began to say the same thing.  I believed it. It felt good. There is the power of the collective. Blogger mommies. Twitter mommies. Working-from-home mommies. School gate mommies. Facebook mommies. Desperately-social-networking mommies. It was important.

But here’s a simple truth: no one leaves a job that is perfect, that truly makes them happy. The same holds for SAHMhood

Just like no one gives up on a relationship when the sex is really good.

Here’s another confession: When I first quit my good-on-paper job to pursue motherhood four years ago, I had reached the point where I was sapped by the job, by its sameness, by its autopilotness, its rinse-repeatness. Motherhood at that time was like a sizzling affair; it was a start-up; I felt like an entrepreneur, I liked the fact that I could do it by trial and error, that there were no style-guides or briefs, that my baby was a brand I could totally make my own, that it didn’t come with excess baggage, that I had no boss! Plus Re was curly-haired, dimple-chinned and drop-dead-gorgeous.

When I was asked “When are you going back to work?”, it made me mad. I wrote angsty blogposts. I got hate-mail and love-mail in equal measure. I smiled and waved.

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ParentEdge is a bi-monthly magazine for discerning Indian parents who would like to actively contribute to their children’s education, intellectual enrichment and stimulation. The magazine’s premise is that learning is a continuous process, and needs to happen both in and outside of school; thus parents have an important role to play in shaping their children’s interests and intellect.


5 thoughts on “Won’t stay-at-home mom: How I came full circle

  1. Kritika Srinivasan

    It is a tough decision to make. No matter whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom there are people to answer, you need to justify your decision to yourself and you will always feel that your child is losing out on something because of the choice you made.

    Finally, I guess it depends on each mom’s mental make-up and what she is happy doing. If you are not happy with what you decided to do, your child is not going to be either!

    Reply
  2. Kendall Walters

    I have woke angry. I tell on myself. I explain to my daughter’s that mommy is frustrated and together we will try to make it through this. My oldest daughter had a way with making faces at me so I would smile. I can remember doing the same to my mother. She can make some really goofy faces with her big eyeballs and chunky cheeks. You have to take a moment and breath and tell yourself you know how you feel but the children are just baby’s. and breathe through it. There is nothing wrong with taking that little second to try to talk yourself out of it or just to understand that you are not in the mood, but if we get through this nicely everything will be just fine.

    Reply
  3. Garima

    I love the honesty of this article. It is so well written and above all it drives the point home: You need to honest to yourself to make SAHM/ WM make sense to you a person’

    I have worked through both my pregnancies and both my kids. However with my second one, I took an extended maternity leave – 8 months. And by the end of it, I WAS DONE. Not done playing wiht her, listening to her, hanging out with her. But done with ONLY that part becoming m y entire day and entire night and not having ONE adult conversation about someting other than Diaper/ sleep training/ eating habits.

    Reply

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